Maybe I should become a busker!

I suspected that panhandling made a killer income but had no idea it paid this good.  $150 a day!  That’s WAY more than I get on unemployment.  I have seen some creative signs from the beggars recently-like the guy outside Yankee stadium who said he needed money to get drunk and have sex with women (which begs the question, why does he need to be drunk to have sex with women?  Either he’s gay…in which case, he’s really taking a strange path…or he means that he needs money to get women drunk…in which case, isn’t it easier to just get a prostitute?  Either which way, I’m not really down with funding date rape or homeless sex).  I’ve toyed with the idea of making a sign of my own: “Unemployed white girl who doesn’t want to be a lawyer anymore and needs money to buy drinks to forget the last 6 years, buy her favorite pastries, and take advantage of some of these AWESOME airfares.”  Something tells me I won’t be as successful…unless I take my top off.
There are so many things going on in this story that it blows my mind.  First, the idea that young kids are suddenly hopping on freight trains, all On the Road style, and trekking all the way to NYC for better heroine and deeper begging pockets boggles the mind.  But the idea of these kids flooding the city to beg for shekels and benefits kind of turns my stomach…in a Glenn Beck sort of way.  The good news is that the teams of young hipster hobos flooding into Williamsburg will finally give the area some much needed street cred! They were almost there with  the roving gang of machete wilding hooligans that came through a few months ago but the new Hooverville theme is sure to push them over the edge.  They’ve traded ironic t-shirts for ironic signs, the grunge look for actual grunge, and condos paid for by mommy and daddy for luxury developments paid for by Magic Johnson.  I can’t wait to see the hobo version of lookatthisfuckinghistper.com-it’s going to be kick ass.  The other nice thing is that being a hobo in NY doesn’t cramp your sex life.  There’s a legless man in a wheelchair who begs on the corner of 56th and 2nd.  As some of his regulars know, he has not one but TWO girlfriends…and they are large and in charge.  Perhaps that’s the real reason NYC is such an attractive place for these Jr. Hobos…good drugs, free housing, and women who will fuck anything.  Maybe that should be the new city slogan.
I can’t wait or the Mad Max high-larity to ensue!  I see an AMAZING movie in the works with Magic Johnson as the broke super who has to live in his own development to clear out the gangs of heroine addicted Drugstore Cowboy style mid-western kids who are trashing up the hood.
Speaking of Glenn Beck, if this is what his comedy show is like, I’m suddenly interested!  Dlisted is TOTALLY right-I want his squeal at 3:39 as my ring tone!  Kills me every time.  I can’t wait for the auto-tune version.

Dlisted: GET OFF MY PHONE!

Punks invade Williamsburg as heroin-addicted hobos set up shop in trendy Brooklyn neighborhood.

Now that the memorial service is over, it’s time to eat your emotions…Michael would have wanted that

Not really…he was so skinny he wore women’s clothes…that’s actually true.

MJ in Lady Cloth

BUT I’m sure he’d like you to celebrate his life and morn his passing in anyway you find appropriate.  If you’re American, like me, that means it’s time to eat your emotions!  Totally awesome recipe from Smitten Kitchen that’s perfect for tonight because blueberries are totes in season.

blueberry boy bait | smitten kitchen.

Umm…awkward…just realized that the name of this recipe is “blueberry Boy Bait”

You know you’re in the wrong when Mayer gives you the stink-eye

In news of the oh-so-wrong and inappropriate-ways-to-remember-MJ, Corey Feldman DRESSED UP AS HIM FOR THE MEMORIAL SERVICE!  Now, I know that Corey is not right in the head.  He didn’t even need a meth addiction to get to the wrong side like the other Corey did…he’s just wrong and was apparently born that way.  But seriously…isn’t there ANYONE in his LIFE (perhaps the people who sold him the outfit???) who could have told him, “Hey…dude…Corey…maybe you should save the dress-up for private times…not sure everyone is going to look at that as an appropriate way to remember the Prince of Pop…also it might be weird to show up at someone’s funeral DRESSED LIKE THEM.”  And what the fuck happened to Corey’s lips?  He’s totally gone snapping turtle.  He looks more like Morla from the Neverending Story everyday.  Also, John Mayer is the king of all douches…when even he is giving you the stink-eye you know it’s time to pack it in and re-evaluate your outfit.

Jennifer Hudson was amazing.  But even more amazing is her baby daddy who seems to be living the Dave Chappelle Oprah skit where Dave gets the O knocked up and lives the life.  I can’t find a copy of it online.  I can only imagine the mighty O had it taken down.  Jen’s baby-daddy is David Otunga who is better known as Punk from I Love New York and Dawson Alexander to his WWE fans.  I love Jennifer Hudson and can’t believe she let New York’s sloppy seconds get her knocked up.  But to each his own.  She’s had a tough go of it so I can’t hate on her too bad.

News – Corey Feldman Arrives at Memorial Dressed as Michael Jackson | Usmagazine.com.

This is when I started to cry…but, in all fairness, I’ve always cried when I hear this song.