PIMP! This should have been a summer blockbuster

But instead John Cusack is dusting off his sympathetic “dude just like you” chops from “Say Anything” to try and pull off “Dude just like you running from the ground breaking apart, gigantic fire balls, a wall of water so large even sweet Buddhist monks in the Himalayas can’t escape it, with my kids!”  While it’s totally obvious that this guy also directed The Day After Tomorrow and Independence Day, he’s the perfect call for this flick. Who better to direct a movie that requires fire, water, explosions, Presidential addresses to the hysterical public, and everything else that comes with a movie of mass destruction?!?  He’s been there, done that, and now he’s back to do it again with more helicopters, more fire, more explosions, and a huge government built ark.  (Question/Rant: in films of this nature…why is it that all the government built stuff is AMAZING?  It’s all shiny and pretty and the most advanced technology and it’s so much cooler than anything anyone else has ever seen.  I get that the government is supposed to be the only group with enough money to be able to foot the bill for a ‘back-up ark’ just incase a huge wall of water decides to flood the US-but seriously-what would that Senate vote be like???  “The Republicans are willing to pass the bill and approve spending for the Ark but only if it’s built in Utah and powered by rice and apples.” Or what Bill O’Reilly would have to say about it-“The drive by media won’t report on this story so I’m gonna have to.  The government is building a giant ark for the heathens left behind during the Rapture.  You, my gentle Christian viewer, are clearly bound for the promise land…so why should your taxes have to pay for this cruise ship for atheists and abortion doctors?”  But here’s the other thing…I grew up in DC…have you seen those buildings?  Anytime the government commissions anyone to do anything it looks like shit, leaks, and costs more to maintain than it did to build. In short, you should really weigh your options before you get on a government build travel craft of any sort…except in one of these movies where they are always AWESOME! These better be space arks. That would also allow for a sequel!)  All kidding aside, I love this shit and I will totally be there on opening day.  The only question left for me is do I go for the IMAX or keep it real in Brooklyn.  IMAX here in New York is ruined by the experience of having to wait 3 hours with a bunch of other obnoxious New Yorkers and bearing witness to every sort of movie etiquette fail and typical shitty New York banter. There’s the typical seat saving bullshit and line-cutting hullabaloo but what really kills me is arguing with my friends about what time to get there. Let’s just say I’ve watched three IMAX films in the front row and I’m rolling Pirates code from here on out. I love my friends…but not enough to get hosed at IMAX again. The whole IMAX thing ends up not being worth it…unless you’ve packed some pills for the wait.  I think the way to go is to see it at Court Street here in Brooklyn where audience participation is guaranteed.  You haven’t lived until you’ve seen a movie at Court Street. Court Street has everything from people talking loud on their cell phones for the last 20 minutes of Kill Bill 2, smoking weed in the back of a Tuesday 2pm showing of Shrek 2, to little kids opting to sit with you and beg popcorn and reeses off you because their parents were too cheap to hire a sitter OR buy food. Opening weekend for Dark Knight, they had to stop the movie and check ticket stubs because over 70% of the people seated in the theater did not have tickets for the movie playing.  Court Street never ceases to amaze and neither will this movie!

io9 – Roland Emmerich Gives Good Apocalypse Porn In New 2012 Trailer – 2012.


One thought on “PIMP! This should have been a summer blockbuster”

  1. Are there any major landmarks that Roland Emmerich hasn’t used special effects to destroy at this point? They should have called this one Blow’d Up.

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