Who would have thought these tough times would turn Glenn Beck into a common internet style escort?  The worlds favorite neo-conservative dough-ball of tears and hate is selling himself on Ebay!  First the comedy tour and now this!  What’s the deal?  Is he hard up for cash?  Busy trying to fill the void that is a Rush Limbaugh-free NYC?  (Has that actually happened yet?  Or did Rush dash our dreams again?  Just like his first stint in rehab)  What me and three friends would DO to Glenn…it would be amazing…and mostly illegal…perhaps not in CA but certainly in Georgia…but we’d be here in NY where most demeaning degrading things are fairly legal.  Also Mr. Beck, I’ve seen the Grand Canyon…and there is NO way watching you do your radio show is as “awesome”.  Also Mr. Beck…please don’t talk about your “Canyon”…I have to suppress the urge to puke every time I see your face…the thought of your ‘canyon’ nearly sends me into a seizure.  Omg…I just made myself a little sick.  Now that’s talent!  The SUPER good news is that the money goes to an ACTUAL charity!  It’s going to CANCER research!  And not some super conservative we-hate-the-gays-because-we-secretly-are hypocritical organization!  So bid away my friends with money and bring a barf bag if you win…or don’t…I’d love to hear what projectile vomit sounds like over the radio…

Wonkette : For $1,525, Do Literally Whatever You Want To Glenn Beck, In New York.


One thought on “PLEASE BID! For the love of GOD! SOMEONE BUY GLENN BECK!”

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