TO WATCH: ThE rEaL hOuSeWiVeS oF nEw JeRsEy

Ever notice how back in the days of MySpace almost every beach-grease jersey shore dude typed LiKe ThIs?  Anyhoo, I AM SO FREAKING EXCITED!  a) I went to college in NJ and was in constant awe of the state and it’s people.  I can pretty much take you on a drive-by tour of every freaking place the Sopranos filmed…even when they were supposed to be ‘out-of-state’, they were still in the state of NJ.  b) Bravo has FINALLY realized that no one cares what REAL rich people do…they are boring as fuck!  Seriously, I know ‘real’ rich…boring to the point of tears.  What the public really wants is NOUVEAU RICHE!  We want people who haven’t had money before and who are completely trashy!  THAT is why Real Housewives of Atlanta was a slam-dunk!  None of those women are even Millionaires anymore!  They are BROKE!  And that is BEAUTIFUL!  We want a reality show with a splash of Maury-who’s your Daddy-drama!  And we WANT catfights.  Real Housewives of OC had to spice it up this season with pretend fights just to stay alive!  And, frankly, I’m so bored with the Real Housewives of NY.  I see Simon on the F train ALL THE TIME.  I take the F train!  I don’t want to see my TV *stars* on the F train!  And I don’t want to see them going to Russell Simons parties.  I DO want to see them dating people on the INTERNET like THESE klassy ladies!  I AM SO FREAKING EXCITED!  I hope they go to the shore…please god.  It’s going to be like Meet the Gottis mixed with MTV True Life: Jersey Shore meets the best parts of Carmella from the Sopranos.

The only thing that concerns me is that I don’t see any gays…there have to be gay men…every good Real Housewives show has a token gay husband…the gay husband is the true sign that you have arrived…as a woman, as mother, and as a Real Housewife.  Bling ain’t no thang sisters, you NEED a gay husband.  I’m like the Big Love of Gay Husbands…what can I say?  I’m practicing the Principal…I received my mission from God while at college in NJ…I’ve been practicing ever since.  It’s not for everyone…it’s hard to juggle multiple gay husbands but God told me I have to.  Anyhoo.  HOLLAR Real Housewives of NJ!  I can’t wait to see the acrylics and weaves start flying!

Jersey Fresh: The Real Housewives Of New Jersey Sneak Peek.


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