This is NOT a Drill: Conficker Worm

Here’s a how to for the worm that’s set to attack millions of computers tomorrow.

How To: Protect Your Windows PC from the Conficker Worm.

And now to the dirtiest desks in America

After celebrating some of the cleanest, sexiest, most stylish desks the country has to offer on Apartment Therapy, Gizmodo has posted some of the most disgusting.  Pookie, if you’re reading, take a snapshot and send it in!  I feel like I’m really flirting with the bottom of the barrel in many different subjects this week…dirty desks, Yonkers Raceway, the internet with a search for colonoscopy bags…I need a moment…ok I’m back.  So enjoy these disasters.

Photo Contest: Good Lord, You People Are All Slobs.

Me…this weekend

This weekend I return to my alma matre…Drew University…where there was a ‘rapist’ last weekend…not really.  Someone was touched on the thigh…when I went there, I would have killed for that kind of action.  Anyhoo, two most excellent friends are getting married there this weekend and, like idiots, they have carved out a special time for ANYONE to speak and/or ‘express’ themselves as part of the wedding ceremony.  This is what I plan on performing:

Pranks: Harmless Geek Pranks for a Little April Fooling

 

 

 

 

 

Just incase you forgot, tomorrow is April Fools.  Martha had some seriously sad April Fools Pranks but these are a little more adult…I mean not dirty…just for someone above a 2nd grade reading level…

Pranks: Harmless Geek Pranks for a Little April Fooling.

How a Gentleman Makes a Classy and Professional Exit

I’m not trying to post everything from the Foggy Monocle but this one is kind on point.  I’m really not sure how this could even come to pass…maybe at a law firm?  Law firms are the only groups I can imagine being so cruel as to fire someone and then invite them to a cocktail hour…law firms tend to do the ‘slow close’ where as almost every industry let’s security escort you out of the building.  With the ‘slow close’ you get officially fired and then have some amount of time where you can play office but aren’t actually working for the firm at all.  It is the strangest practice to me…some people pretend for a bit like they aren’t fired…some people take advantage of the career help and free internet.  I just find it ironic and strange that law offices would allow ex-employees to come back in, be near confidential files, and basically have free reign and do whatever the hell they want.  Good times.  Anyhoo, this Gentleman really makes a proper exit.  I’ve drunk my severance at almost every office I’ve ever worked at and I highly recommend it.  Go out and get yours.  This Gent did and it sounds epic.

The Foggy Monocle » Blog Archive » A Gentleman Drinks What He Is Owed In Severance.

Ah DC…as usual, too cool for school

DC is laughing in the face of the Second Great Depression and basking in the soft glow of lobbyist cash bonfires and  building a wall to protect it from the third world poverty that the rest of the country is suffering through.  Ah my hometown.  DC is in a strange place right now.  Typically, every administration changes the flavor of the city.  With Clinton, parties raged on, weed was popular and everything was cool and laid back.  With Bush, coke became all the rage, prepsters were back on top and Georgetown and dock shoes were all the rage.  Now with Obama, the city seems a little lost…there’s tons of cash flying around because everyone is trying to bend the President’s ear and everyone is looking for a job in the new administration and government.  As the daughter of a government employee, I can tell you, YES…the benefits are AWESOME.  And countless Americans are finally realizing that working for Uncle Sam and living in a city that’s WAY cheaper than NY or San Fran is not at all a bad thing.  So where other cities have businesses shutting down and bars and restaurants begging for customers, it makes sense that a new douchebag magnet like this one would be opening up.  Let’s all drink “Bailouts” and laugh at the rest of the country!  Speaking of, I’ll be checking this place out on April 17th.  A bar ain’t open until I’ve knocked one back there.  Yes…I’m that “big” in DC.  Or at least I seem to think so.

Wonkabout: The D.C. Guide. : Another ‘Hip’ Restaurant Opens On U Street … With a Drink Called ‘The Bailout’.

No Bailout but great list for Student Loan Info

Whether you’re thinking about going back to school or you’ve already taken the plunge, this is an EXCELLENT list of resources.  There’s a calculator to help you figure out how much going back to school is going to cost you and provide information on different types of loans and there are tons of other sites to help everyone who already owes hundreds of thousands of dollars.  Yay!

In all seriousness, there are tons of laid off lawyers and other professionals who borrowed a TON of money to go to grad school and now have NO means of paying it back.  Unlike almost all other loans, student loans don’t die with you and survive bankruptcy.  Basically, they suck…big time.

Student Loans: A Big Ass List Of Student Loan Resources.

Earth Hour Recap: PICTURES!

Pictures of Earth Hour around the world.  I, sadly, was unable to participate because I was busy gambling my unemployment check away at Yonkers Raceway.  For those interested, it is HOPPING on Saturday nights.  Sure, I was the youngest person by about 30 years…and sure, FDR Drive-the band attracts an really interesting and eclectic group of old marrieds and swingers, and yes, I tripped over a colonoscopy bag once…and am near certain someone pooped their pants while sitting next to me…also, the drinks were terrible-but terribly cheap!-and I don’t know why but I had to pee about every 20 minutes…and I only consumed 16 oz of fluid over the 6 hour period I was there.  But if you’re looking for a quick cheap trip to remind you that the bottom is still a long way off, I HIGHLY recommend Yonkers Raceway/Empire City.  For the record, I did ok.  The whole evening cost me $20…oh and my dignity…but that was bound to be cast aside sooner rather than later.  Cheers!

Earth Hour 2009 – The Big Picture – Boston.com.

PS: Under no circumstances should you never google “colonoscopy bag”…now I have to go read the answer to “can a woman with a colonoscopy bag have a normal sex life”…should be short a short two letter answer.  Fingers crossed!

I’m so confused…I thought people couldn’t afford to go to strip clubs anymore…

According to the ever reliable and not at all sensational New York Post, all sorts of laid-off gals are taking to the pole to make ends meat…or get back to their six figure life-style.  But seriously, a few months ago the newspapers were littered with stories about how strippers, escorts, and mistresses were suffering from the bad economy because men could no longer afford them.  What’s changed?  We’ve hit the bottom so men don’t care if they can afford it anymore?  I guess just former analysts are making tons of money with the career switch?  I have heard that the ‘new girls’ are always more popular.  Also, I’m now really interested to find out what a ‘massage’ girl does at Ricky’s and how it’s legal.  I actually feel pretty sorry for the pastry chef girl who’s now the massage girl…that can’t be good…I mean, I’m sure she’s good at it since she’s used to working with doughy sugar-puffs but it just seems like she’s fallen further than the analyst.  I mean, the analyst lady clearly had no soul to begin with and is just following the dollar…but the pastry chef lady…it sounds like she once had dreams, hopes and ambition at one point.  Le sigh.  Everyone should go buy a cupcake or scone today.  Do your part to keep these chefs from becoming tarts.

AXED GALS TAKE POLE POSITIONS – New York Post.

TO DO: Stalk Cherry Blossom progress at Brooklyn Botanic Garden

I have promised myself for six years that I will go and see the cherry blossoms at the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens…and like so many other promises I’ve made to myself over the course of a lifetime, I’ve fallen through my ass and let myself down.  Well, NO MORE.  THIS year I will get to see the cherry blossoms.  I’ve started following them on this Blossom Status map which literally takes the guess work out.  In DC it’s impossible to tell when they are going to bloom, when they are going to fall off the trees, or when the tourists will get word that they have bloomed.  This lovely little map lets me know before I even leave the house!  I also live about three blocks from the blossoms so I almost can’t miss them when I’m walking in the hood.  Sorry to everyone who’s working-but then not sorry because, guess what?  You have a job and that’s kind of an awesome thing right now-BUT I’m super excited for this week!  Spring has ARRIVED and it’s going to be close to 60 degrees ALL WEEK!  I’m going to plant stuff on the roof, finish my spring clean and all will be right with the world!  Oh yeah…and find a job.  Awesome.  But first, I’m going to see the cherry blossoms!

Brooklyn Botanic Garden: CherryWatch Blossom Status Map.